a common theme has peaked my senses these past few days and i felt like i needed to get this out there in case it means something to somebody.
something is happening to me in a weird but hopefully good way. i’ve secretly cried over conversations or written reflections regarding fathers and father figures and i can’t explain why i’ve suddenly become so vulnerable to emotion.
I think it is mainly because I have become a father myself as of November ’08 and I can’t bear the thought of my son growing up without me. I love my little boy so much that to even hypothesize over a day when there’s distance between us is enough to ruin me.
It is not a far-fetched assumption to say that many of our societal ills can be traced back to longstanding “daddy wounds”— the number one unofficial cause of emotional death in human beings–and it just breaks my heart.
most of us men have or will have the privilege of being a father one day and i hope that if and when we have kids, we will do all that we can to let our kids know and believe that they are loved, beautiful, and capable of anything, because this is true.
there are many things that i will fail at and be ok with (eventually) but i will never tolerate within myself a failure at being a father to my children. i’m not declaring that I’ll be perfect and without blemish but I am saying that I won’t and can’t give up being the best possible father i can be. it is the one thing I want to do right.
men, let’s raise up a generation of up-and-coming fathers who will then respond to the same call and raise up the next generation of fathers. the cycle of “daddy wounds” can end today.
(note: too young to be a dad? various circumstances prohibiting fatherhood? we can all be a father figure to someone when we choose to impart, empower, and invest.)
i leave you with one of my favorite pictures of me and my boy. i’d say it’s symbolism.
i’m taking a little time-out of EP/album promotion to bring you this little thought:
Live like you matter
let me clarify by giving you an example.
I love watching movies and TV shows with my wife because she gets really into it and she reacts to everything. The best is when the main character is in danger (gun pointed at his/her face, he/she hangs by a thread off a 100-foot cliff, etc) and my wife braces herself for the worst. That’s when I get to swoop in, uncover her eyes, put my arm around her and reassure her that NOTHING is going to happen… “that’s Jack Bauer,” I tell her. “He’s survived several seasons of this. He can’t die. This is only episode 1…”
I don’t know about you but the fear and concern that my wife feels in these moments of stress (no matter how fictional) is actually the kind of thing that cripples us from living the life we are all supposed to live.
You see, you are the main character of your story. A problem occurs when you live life like you’re TV Extra #105 with barely a part written out for you– destined to die in Act 1, Scene 1, of Season 1. Such a sad way to live.
When you live like you’re the main character of your story, you begin to realize that your limits are only self-imposed. The things that you fear most (failure, rejection, death) can be cast aside because you know that you matter.
I don’t see this as an arrogant or reckless thing– of course we need to exercise common sense and take precaution when we need to. If I jump out of a plane without a parachute, I deserve to die. I’m an idiot.
However, some of us need to move on from Act 1, Scene 1, Season 1. You’re not going to die. You thought your story was going to end at the pilot episode but you have a life of complete season DVDs to be lived.
What’s been crippling you? Don’t forget who you belong to, who chose you for greatness, and who has your back. Take nothing for granted, of course, but move on and live like you matter.