when heroes fall
my heart has been heavy these days. at the risk of sounding way too open and vulnerable in a much too public arena such as this, these are some of the things i’m wrestling and dealing with:
- my neighbors upstairs have 3 kids who run around and play in their apartment like it was Chuck E Cheese. despite our continual pleas for peace and quiet– including one episode where I actually ran up and pounded on their door (they refused to open their door to talk), they have been testing our every last nerve. we have a 7 month old who still needs to sleep throughout the day so this adds to the stress. at any rate, the good news is that the management has agreed to disallow a renewal of their lease but August 31 couldn’t come any sooner.
- i am tapping into my already-miniscule and quickly-depleting savings account to help pay for our rent this month, prompting the serious need for me to pick up a second job or for my wife to start working while caring for our kid– neither of which are fun options for us. ( record execs, if you are reading this, please give my music a chance. I promise I sound better than my vimeo clips show– i need to provide for my family.)
- i am contemplating the fragility of life in light of what took place last week with multiple celebrity deaths– MJ, Farrah, Ed McMahon and even Billy Mays, the consummate infomercial pitchman. Late night TV will never be the same again.
- of course it’s sad that we make a bigger deal out of celebrity deaths than the millions that die in poorer countries due to war as well as lack of food, shelter and vaccines. but let’s talk about that one some other time…
- i am realizing how different my life is now at this stage of life and how the relationships around me are changing.
- i am dealing with the reality of heartache and sadness when a hero falls.
One of my heroes in life “fell” this past week due to moral failure and I know for a fact that he is hurting. I know for a fact that his family is hurting. I know for a fact that his friends are hurting. I also know for a fact that I am hurting.
That’s the part I’m being very wary of– the “I also know for a fact that I am hurting” part.
When a hero falls, it’s easy to make the situation about “me”. We tend to think in terms of how “he let me down” or “how could he do this (to me)?” or “what about me?” Me, me, me… blah, blah, blah…!
How ironic is it that the person of our admiration and respect can also become the person that brings out our human proclivity toward self-focus and self-consumption.
I know that in other situations, I can very easily make things about me but this is not one of them. My hero fell and I am extremely sad but I’m also hopeful that he makes it through. My hero fell and I am shocked but I hope his family is doing ok. My hero fell and many others have been affected but i hope he knows that I still love him and believe in him.
and for the record, I forgive him with little effort since I’ve been forgiven way more. not that what I say or think should matter at this moment in time…